When you kissed me for the 1st time I couldn’t breathe. I literally lost my breath. We had an undeniable spark. We were standing outside of your childhood house, your temporary home until you figure out your life after your divorce. It felt like I was back in high school as we made out in your parent’s driveway and when you put your hands in my hair and pressed your body up against mine I thought, “Finally!” Finally, an amazing first date filled with flirting, butterflies, smiles, kisses, compliments and hope.

Because neither of us wanted the date to end..it didn’t. After sitting at the bar for 2 hours getting to know each other, we decided to leave and play pool.

You flirted with me as you showed me how to shoot.

I was wearing a short black dress with high heels. You kept telling me what great legs I had.

I noticed your hand in your pocket on more than one occasion, trying to hide your excitement.

That got me wet.

Do u still think my online pictures don’t do me any justice? Do you still think I’m beautiful?

At the bar you told me that you had gone out with a woman a few weeks earlier and had a great first date. But then the next day, she started texting you bright and early in the morning and the texts continued throughout the day. You told me that you got turned off and decided not to see her again.

I remember feeling sorry for that woman. We have all been that woman at some point. She liked you and she wanted you to know it. When will the games end?

So although I woke up Friday morning dying to text you…I didn’t. I had to play it cool. I wouldn’t turn you off like the other woman did. I promised myself I wouldn’t fuck this up.

So when you texted me at 8:30am Friday morning I was ecstatic. Although that text meant you were a bit of a hypocrite, I took it to mean you really liked me. I didn’t imagine a great first date. The feelings were mutual.

Even after the 8:30am text I continued to play hard to get. I didn’t check in with you. But you did. At 3:30pm you asked me how my day was going?

I didn’t tell you that I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Instead, I told you work was busy.

I didn’t tell you that I was the happiest I had been in months and told everyone I saw that day that I had the best first date EVER last night. All I texted back was that I was having a good day.

You told me that you had to work at your 2nd job that night until 9:00pm. I figured you would be tired so I texted you at 7:30pm asking how you were feeling. You wrote back right away. You said you were tired but happy…just like me.

You left work and texted me that you couldn’t wait to get home and crawl into bed. You joked that your bed would be so much better with company. You admitted to me how hard it was to go home last night without me. You couldn’t get my kisses out of your head. I couldn’t tell if you were hinting for me to come over so I asked you if you wanted to hang out?

You told me that you had things to do around the house to get ready for your kids who were coming over the next day.

I told you I understood, we could see each other another night.

But you told me that even though you were tired and had shit to do around the house that you wanted to see me. Your exact words were, “Yes even though I’m tired seeing you would definitely give me a second wind!”

So even though I was already in bed ready to crash, I got out of bed, showered, and got dressed. I didn’t want another missed opportunity.

We sat in your den watching TV. You left me a few times to clean the dishes and finish the laundry. It was cute. You were cute. I enjoyed keeping you company. I was happy you wanted me there.

And then you kissed me again. And the kissing continued for 2 straight hours. We eventually decided to move to your bedroom, for comfort. On our way upstairs you showed me pictures that hung on your parent’s walls. You in Israel for your Bar Mitzvah. Baby pictures with your sister. I saw your family picture which included your soon to be ex-wife and your children. You showed me your prom pictures. I laughed at your 90s style hair and commented on how much better looking we all get as we get older.

We layed in your bed for 2 hours making out. I admit, it was hard. I was extremely attracted to you. I wanted to do more. I wanted to get off. But you were a gentleman. You really were. You didn’t pressure me at all. It took you 2 hours to take my shirt off and when you finally did you called my breasts “exquisite.”

I remember at one point lying beside you staring up at your ceiling. I can’t remember what I was thinking about at that moment. If I had to guess I was probably thinking about how happy I was. How much I liked you. How attracted I was to you. How I didn’t want to fuck this up. How this was our 2nd date and it was amazing. You pulled me out of my day dream by reaching for my chin, you turned my face towards you and you slowly kissed me. I melted.

At 1am I decided it was time to leave. I knew you would be exhausted in the morning when your kids arrived. I wanted to leave before you asked me to.

You walked me to the door.

You kissed me goodnight.

You told me you would call. I guess I made a face when you said that because you followed with, “I promise.” You kissed me again.

You told me to text you when I got home.

I texted you, “I’m home.”

You wrote back, “I had a great time again!”

I wrote back, “Me too!”

You wrote back, “Thank you and sweet dreams.”

I wrote back, “You too!”

And then…that was it. I never heard from you again.

I left your house believing that this was the start of something great.

But instead you hurt my feelings…tremendously. I keep replaying that night over and over in my head. What did I say that turned you off? What did I do wrong? Why does this keep happening to me? How did I misread what I thought was such an amazing night? I keep trying to figure out at what point you decided that you didn’t want to talk to me anymore.

Was it when I showed worry that you might not call? Did my split second lack of self confidence turn you off?

Was it when I mentioned that I was free Sunday? Did I scare you off thinking you would want to see me again so soon?

Was it when you took my shirt off and saw that I wasn’t a size 6 or 8 or even a 10? I thought you said I was beautiful?

What I do know is that you didn’t have the common decency to text me, telling me that you didn’t want to see me again.

I thought you were a nice guy. I was wrong.

Thursday night I couldn’t stop smiling and by Sunday night I couldn’t stop crying. Yes, I cried.

Do you think I’m pathetic? You must think its pretty ridiculous that I could be that upset about you considering we only went on two dates. Just so you know, I’m not ashamed. My heart is open to love. I love hard and hurt harder. I will never change. I don’t want to.

You don’t deserve me. Not because you didn’t want me but because you didn’t tell me.

I am an amazing girl.

Another man will come along, hopefully very soon, who will once again take my breath away.