….15 seconds later…

He came.

No, that’s not a typo! The 1st time we had sex it lasted 15 seconds. Apparently I was dating an emaciated-bone-protruding-poor-premature-ejaculating-vegetarian-barista!

Of course he was!!!!

A premature ejaculator was definitely next on my list of must haves!

Boy, do I know how to pick ‘em!

He came so quickly and quietly that he actually had to tell me that he finished so that I would stop moving underneath him.

8 was NOT great!

Of course my first question after he pulled out was, “Has this happened before?”

Utterly embarrassed he said it had. This was an issue for him.

Because I’m an amazingly nice person, I told him that there was nothing to be embarrassed about. That we would work on improving things and have fun doing so blah blah blah.

Fuck my life!

What does a girl have to do around here to get a good lay???


I finally hopped off of the dating roller coaster!!

Date # 1 (Sunday) – Romantic/cold walk on the boardwalk….


Followed by drinks and then dinner. We closed the restaurant and he kissed me goodnight in the parking lot.

BUT…I was trying to ignore the fact that I could bench press the guy (130lbs).

Date # 2 (Monday) – Dinner date the day after Date # 1!! Apparently, he hadn’t noticed that I had a good 40 pounds on him!

Oh shit! Maybe he did notice! He brought me home grown tomatoes from his garden….


STOP…he was being thoughtful!

BUT…I was trying to ignore the fact that he still lived at home with his mother (33 years old).

Date # 3 (Friday) – Dinner date at a fancy restaurant. I told him that I hadn’t made it to a 3rd date in over a year and a half, so he brought me flowers to make it extra special….


BUT…I was trying to ignore the fact that he had a really crappy job (barista) and probably couldn’t afford the fancy dinner or the flowers.

Date # 4 (Saturday) – We cooked dinner together in my apartment. I urged him to eat two helpings of the pasta praying he’d put on a pound or two. I was beginning to really like him. He was one of the nicest guys I had ever dated. I liked making out with him in his (shitty) car. He told me I was an amazing kisser (obviously).

BUT… I was trying to ignore the fact that he was a super healthy/green person and told me that people who eat meat can’t call themselves animal lovers.

Fuck you dude, I love my dog….


Date # 5 (Sunday) – He came over after work. We tried to watch a movie but mostly we just made out for hours until we fell asleep. I liked having someone to cuddle with in bed again.

BUT…I was trying to ignore the fact that when I hugged him I could feel his vertebrae, his hip bones left bruises on my thighs and sadly, I realized after he took his shirt off, that he had much nicer collar bones than I did.

Could I really continue to date this guy?

Hang on….let me go fuck him before making any hasty decisions….