My Crystal Ball Says, “Stop _ _ _ _ _ Assholes!” (Part 2)

October 15, 2014



What does a girl buy a guy she’s only been dating for a few days? This was my dilemma immediately following our 36-hour 1st date.

I asked friends and family and after hearing ideas that ranged from “nothing” to “take him out to dinner” I settled on what I believed to be an appropriate gift for our situation and had a box of gourmet chocolates delivered to his office with a card that read, “Happy Birthday! Wishing you a great day!”

At 10:15am the morning of his birthday, I received the email notification that the gift had been successfully delivered.

I was excited and couldn’t wait for him to call me to let me know that he had received the present.

So I waited…..

And I waited….

And I waited some more.

By 1:00pm I still hadn’t heard from him.

Convinced that someone in his office had accepted the gift and placed it in a package room without him even knowing (because why else wouldn’t he have called me to thank me) I gave in and sent him a text:

Me: Happy Birthday!

Him: Thank you.

Me: R u at work? I sent you something – it was signed for by the mail room.

Him: I am at work and I did get something. Thank you so much. I’m thinking about you.


8 hours later….

Me: Hey


The next morning…

Him: Hey good morning beautiful. Thank you very much for my gift.

Me: Hey – Ur welcome!   Were they good?

Him: Yes. I would have loved to share them with you.

To be continued…..


5 Responses to “My Crystal Ball Says, “Stop _ _ _ _ _ Assholes!” (Part 2)”

  1. Abstemious Gluttony Says:

    Yeah, another real prince, this one. Ugh.

    That really is one of the more vile things to do—make someone ask after a gift they have given. Putz.

  2. Abstemious Gluttony Says:

    I must say, dear Ms. N., your low-grade sadism is a mite surprising.

    Have you any intentio to continue—G-d forbid, conclude—the
    saga of this louse-riddled baboon?

    • Abstemious Gluttony Says:

      Excuse my interjecting of the Vulgate form. That should have read, “Have you an INTENTION…”.

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