It Takes Two To Tango….Or Maybe Just One _ _ _ _ _!

May 16, 2015


Several months ago I gave my old ITouch to my niece.  She was thrilled until she couldn’t download any video chat apps to talk to her friends because they all ran on IOS 7 and my old ITouch couldn’t upgrade.

So being the wonderful aunt that I am I started Googling to find an app she could download which brings me to Tango.

After downloading Tango for my niece I also downloaded it on my IPhone so that we could text and video chat.  Tango has a “Discover” tab that allows you to find your contacts, people you may know, people nearby and people around the World.  I didn’t realize that by clicking on any of these tabs my profile would go public, but it did, immediately resulting in me receiving hundreds of winks and messages from men 5 miles away to 5,000.

Which brings me to Pedro, a 32-year-old Costa Rican who only days before he messaged me walked off of a plane to start a new life in New York.

Pedro and I hit it off from the start.  Our texting led to hour long phone calls and when we finally met (his first blind date….my 800th) I was pleasantly optimistic.

He was a true gentleman.  It had been a while since I had a man open my car door and pull out my chair.  It was nice.

I fell hard and fast for Pedro.  It was hard not to.  He was adorable and smart and kind and he wasn’t afraid to talk about the future.  After being with guys who wouldn’t talk about next week let alone next month, Pedro talked about “tomorrow” which helped me feel confident and secure.

So after 5 weeks of dating I finally invited Pedro to my home.  We cooked dinner together.  He made sangria.  We had an amazing night.

And then it was time for bed.

I was finally going to have some alone time with my hot latin man somewhere other than my car.  I couldn’t wait!

We started to make-out.  The kissing, as usual, was great.  The touching was hot.  But when I denied his penis access to my vagina (I just wasn’t ready) he unfortunately found an alterative….my thigh.

Pedro made love to my thigh that night.  For approximately 7 minutes Pedro rubbed and gyrated against my thigh while moaning until he came with a whimper so unmanly I almost laughed.  I wiped off his cum from my raw thigh, patted him on the back, turned over and pretended to sleep.

Did he actually think that was hot?

Our relationship ended a few days later and all I was left with was a bruised thigh, a jealous vagina and an improved Spanish vocabulary.

Another one bites the dust.


6 Responses to “It Takes Two To Tango….Or Maybe Just One _ _ _ _ _!”

  1. Abstemious Gluttony Says:

    Ay, yi, yi, Srta. N!!

    Not having travelled in the southern Americas, is it possible that this was merely a difference in cultural mores? 😉

    A bit leery to ask…but, which party put the nix on this thing? Please don’t tell us it was the Leg Poker.

  2. Abstemious Gluttony Says:

    ¡Jesús Cristo y Santa María!

    ¿Pray tell, Srta. Ñ, what are one’s options when having a pregnant patella?

  3. Abstemious Gluttony Says:


    Three hundred sixty-four days without a post?!?! Never expected you to exhibit a sadistic bent. (See? Even in absentia, still you are able to surprise. 💜)

    Resignedly–piningly–I will continue to wait. But, it so defeating a labor of belle lettres lust. (However, to cite my one known bit of New Testament liturgy, “He sends the cross, He sends the strength to bear it.”)


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