The 1st guy I went on a date with after Matt and I broke up was a guy named Jason who sold copiers.

First date was at a local Spanish restaurant where we sat at the bar drinking sangria.

After 3.5 years of sitting at sports bars watching my boyfriend down pitcher after pitcher of Guinness, not giving a shit that I wasn’t a bar person, beer person, or sports person, I found the date enjoyable.

After a few hours of drinking and getting to know each other, Jason and I left and started walking home. Right before we parted ways, Jason stopped me on the sidewalk, pushed me up against a building and started kissing me.

Now this should have been a super hot/romantic moment for me except it wasn’t because Jason was the worst kisser I had ever met! Jason shoved his tongue deep into my mouth and then just left it there. His thick wet limp tongue just sat in my mouth not moving and the only way for me to get it out of my mouth was to move my head away from his. Twice during a 60 second kiss I had to jerk my head away or risk feeding him my digested sangria like a mommy bird feeds her chicks.

I thanked Jason for a nice date and headed home.

Jason texted me the next day and asked if he could make me dinner the following night. Hoping the kissing would get better (I mean it couldn’t possibly get any worse), I agreed.

So on one of the hottest days of the year (I think it was 102 in the city that day) I walked to Jason’s apartment. Arriving promptly at 7pm with severe swamp crotch, I entered Jason’s apartment and couldn’t believe that a guy who lived in such a dump, would invite a girl over so early in the dating process, if he was looking to impress.

Our romantic dinner was served on this…

TV Tray

After dinner Jason didn’t waste any time trying to make out with me and once again I had to fight off my gag reflex. He truly was the worst kisser I had ever encountered.

I finally faked a yawn (it was 8:30pm) and told him that I had to get home since I had work the next day.

I sent a nice text the following morning, thanking him for dinner but admitted that I wasn’t ready to start dating yet. A lie obviously, but if I was being honest I would have texted something along the lines of: “Thanks for dinner but I would rather lick the sweaty balls of my cab driver who drove me home last night than kiss you ever again.”

That was 1.5 years ago.

Driving up to Vermont last week:

WinterInNYC: How was that date you went on a few weeks ago?

Dr. Habibi: Eh…the guy was ok looking and the date was going well but then he kissed me and it was horrible!

WinterInNYC: Ugh! That’s the worst.

Dr. Habibi: I even let him try again later in the evening thinking it would get better and it didn’t!

WinterInNYC: I’ve been there my friend, I’ve been there!

Dr. Habibi: It’s so disappointing…no sparks at all! And these guys I’m meeting on Jdate have horrible jobs. Some are even unemployed. It’s so frustrating!

WinterInNYC: Hello! I dated a barista!

Dr. Habibi: I know. I know. The bad kisser sold copiers!