I was extremely depressed and lonely after Brian broke up with me. I remember coming home from work the first few weeks after the break-up and just sitting on my couch, staring at the 4 walls and wiping away tears that were running down my face.

I decided that I needed to take my mind off of my heartache so I started applying for a part-time job. Somewhere I could work after my full-time job during the week and also on the weekends. I didn’t need the money but I did need to get out of my apartment, take my mind off of my ex, stop logging onto Jdate to see if he was shopping around for someone prettier or thinner or smarter, stop feeling sorry for myself and hopefully meet some new people.

So I started working at a bookstore.

Which is where I met Charlie and his gigantic cock.

Charlie was a fellow bookseller who asked me out pretty randomly one night before our shift ended. I didn’t know much about him but agreed to the date since he was decent looking, extremely tall (6’4″) and loved to read.

I found out on our first date that Charlie was born in Utah, which is apparently where cocks gone wild are bred.

Charlie had to be close to 12”. It was HUGE. It was long and thick and frankly pretty fucking scary to a girl who had a vagina that was extremely comfortable with a 5” dick inside of it. 6” = Great. 7” = Fabulous. 8” = Oh thank you Jesus! But 12”??? Really? I was in shock! I was excited! I was moving to Utah!

I like to have sex…A LOT! But I quickly learned that a lot of sex with a great big cock severely interfered with my bedroom plans unfortunately.

This was what a fly on my apartment wall would have heard me say on a typical weekend while I attemped to fuck Charlie:

Friday Night – “Just go slow in the beginning, I need to get used to you.”
Saturday Morning – “Ow! Are you using enough lube? It fucking hurts!”
Saturday Night – “Can you please just cum already? I can’t take much more of this!”
Sunday Morning – “Holy fuck! I’m rubbed raw! Get out of me now! NOW!”
Sunday Night – “Can you please just jerk off in the shower?”

This went on for 7 months.

The worst part about his monster cock was that the whole time we dated I kept worrying that he was ruining my vagina. My tight, never had a baby, performed kegle exercises every day since I was 18 years old vagina, was being stretched out and permanently damaged and I’d become some loose fuck hole tampons would fall out of and no normal sized penis could enjoy.

I’m happy to share that my vagina survived this relationship, as per the 3 losers I slept with after him.

But in the end, there are just some dicks that are too big to handle, pun intended.


I got up out of Brian’s bed after sex one night to use the bathroom and clean myself up.   After tinkling, I wiped and noticed 10 to 15 little black specs, the size of poppy seeds, on the toilet paper (yes I counted).

They weren’t stains, but actual pieces of something.  I even got up to inspect the contents of the toilet to see what came out of me to produce these……thankfully there was nothing there but my urine….what the fuck are these things??

I immediately got scared and thought “Oh my God – I have CANCER!  I have vagina cancer and I’m going to die!!!”  (I’m Jewish – its in our genes to be neurotic about our health.)  My vagina was decomposing from the inside out and I had about 6 months to live.

I wiped a second time, maybe I was seeing things….NOPE….there they were again.

I flushed my vagina cancer down the toilet and crawled back into bed too afraid to tell my boyfriend that I was dying.  Boy would he miss me.

The next day my vagina returned back to normal.  But I still couldn’t figure out what caused the black specs.  I kept a close eye on all of my future wipes waiting for the little fuckers to return.

The next time I saw them, was again, at Brian’s apartment….after sex.  Ok, now I’m on to something.

Sex with Brian = Vagina decay

I finally decided that it was time to tell Brian that I was dying….or that at least my vagina was dying…because of him!

Me:  “Ummmm Brian, can we talk?”

Brian: “Yeah, what’s up babe?”

Me: “Well twice already after sex, when I’ve gone to the bathroom, there have been black specs on the toilet paper.  I’m getting worried that there is something wrong with me down there.”

Brian: “Oh, that’s just the grape seeds.”

Me: “Huh? What the fuck are you talking about?”

Brian:  “Well, I ran out of Astroglide so I used grape seed oil instead, I had some in the kitchen.”

Me:  “You filled my vagina with grape seed oil and you didn’t think to tell me?”

Brian:  I didn’t think it mattered, I read online that you can use grape seed oil as a lubricant and since I had some handy I figured why not?”

Me:  “Because there are little seeds in it!!!  Maybe the oil is good for lubrication but the seeds aren’t!!!  Don’t you feel them scratching your penis?”

Brian: “Nah…they are too small.  Plus grape seed oil is much cheaper than Astroglide and you can buy it bulk!!!”

Me:  “Are you out of your mind???  You put seeds inside of me!!  I could get an infection and God only knows what else down there!”

Brian:  “Relax, babe!  Its OK!!!

Me: “No, its not OK….and unless you want to get on your hands and knees with a flashlight and tweezer to pick out every last seed from my vag you will buy normal lube at CVS tomorrow!”

Brian: “Fine, but I swear the Internet said it was ok to use.”

Me: “Next time why don’t you try Googling “how not to be a cheap fuck” you asshole!